The Breakdown

Tomorrow is the big day and I'm happy to get past it. We'll be waking up at 4am for the fun day. Today was not so fun (well, parts of it anyways).

First off, we've already had several amazing deliveries - flowers, food, HUGE cupcakes, etc. I'm blessed. I'm surrounded by amazing people. Feeling great.

My first appointment was with a genetisist at Good Sam. He looked at my family history and put together a set of 'odds' regarding my chances for a genetic mutation (BRCA 1 or BRCA 2 or a couple other ones which I don't remember the name). It's incredible really. Interesting fact of the day is that 9 out of 10 people who get breast cancer just have 'bad luck'. Only 10% is based on heredity. There are a million other cool things that I learned during "Genetics 101". Next step - getting a distant cousin's BRCA report to Good Sam and then make an appt for the blood test. Whitney was kind enough to make laps around the office to keep Channing happy. In fact, she kept Channing more than happy - the little girl was giggling like crazy. I think Channing found her first best friend. ;) Thanks Whitney!!

My second appointment was not fun at all. It was for the sentinel node injection. The injection itself was fine but it was 'side effect' that put me into my first official breakdown. I'll back up a bit here to share that the one thing that can get me to cry is to talk about the fact I won't get to pick up my kids for the next few weeks. It's esp hard to think of not holding Channing. She falls asleep on my chest daily and I won't get that for a while. So after being called back for my appointment I was told that I would be 'radioactive' and therefore couldn't pick up or hold my kids tonight. I thought I had tonight!! I feel a bit robbed. This was my last night (at least I thought) for snuggle time. And it was taken. Ugh. I was angry, sad, frustrated, etc. So I broke down. Thankfully Stephenie was with me and she helped to get Channing all loaded up in the car. I then called Dr. Messner (I just love saying that!!) to get more information. Kari Messenger is a radiologist, specializing in breast related illness (I hope I'm explaining that right) and also a life long friend. She explained the rules for tonight. I could hug the kids goodnight, but best not to bring them into my chest. Bedtime was tough but I managed to help get Channing to bed and of course read books for the boys. It worked out ok. I still feel robbed though. Damn cancer! DAMN YOU!

Ok, I'm back. Not feeling sorry for myself any more. I found courage and strength by consuming huge amounts of chocolate (thanks Kelley)! And also through the kind words and support offered by all those around me.

Wish me luck tomorrow! I'm encouraging Scott to post some kind of an update here post surgery (probably around noon or 1pm).

Wish me luck!