Sharing Some Pictures

Below are a few pictures of some of the many visitors and treats that have arrived since this whole cancer journey began. And yes, I'm feeling pretty brave for posting some of these. Just assume that I'm as drugged as I appear (I'm sure I was).

I've had MANY more helpers and visitors that have snuck off without getting caught by the camera. I'll get you sooner or later!!

Me & Lisa

AMAZING basket from "PS Girlfriends" (Thanks to Lisa for giving this to me.)

Steph visited soon after I was home. I'm not looking so great.

Miss Ellie came for the visit too. The G'mas (Gail & Jill entertained downstairs). Notice the size difference? Yes, Ellie is a full month older than Channing. I make 'em big!!

Sam put together this fun cupcake treat!

Mr Ethan Howell came for a visit too. This one, they are playing nice.

Me & Sarah

And Mr. Ethan no longer having fun with Channing. Perhaps he's scared of her mis-matched pokadot mess of an outfit. I blame the G'mas as I was clearly drugged up!

Drug Free Days!

I'm about 10 days post-op now and feeling better each and every day. My strength is returning but I still tire very easy. My days are very quiet for the most part but I'm doing more and more in terms of the daily care of Channing and I couldn't be happier. I'm of course still on the 'do not lift' order but we manage pretty well once set up either on my bed or the floor. I can feed and diaper her and usually keep her pretty happy for about half a day.

I'm also off the pain meds (well, mostly). I still take one at night but otherwise I'm drug-free. In terms of pain - I'm more uncomfortable than anything. I can't lift my arms up very far and have been ordered not to try to put them up over my head. I imagine that would be ridiculously painful anyways, so I'm not planning to try that any time soon. The one thing that really bothers me is the tight feeling around my body. I don't notice it so much with clothes on, but when in the shower it's really frustrating. I basically feel like I have a very tight sports bra on all the time. Under my armpits is the worst. It's no fun. Also, the numbness is not so much fun. I imagine I have to get used to that but it's really strange not having any feeling across your whole chest. My hope is that at some point, some nerves will re-connect, grow, or whatever they are supposed to do. Oh - 'find of the day' today was learning how to more effectively shave my armpits. Just what you wanted to hear right. But really, it was a win for me. The key is to use those cheap pink dixie razors. They are super thin and I don't have to raise my arm very high. Funny how something so silly really did make me happy today. Oh, and after my shower I watched the second half of True Blood again (because I fell asleep a little last night. Don't tell Scott - if he knew he watched even 10 seconds of True Blood on his own he'd leave me. And I can't have him leaving me right now. It's just not a good time really.) :)

The boys continue to be an absolute dream. I just can't explain how fantastic they are and how aware they are at all times that 'mommy is sick' and to be careful. The maturity of a 3 and 4 year old surprises me daily. Keaton asks me at least once each day "how are you feeling today mommy". Tonight he broke my heart by saying he can't wait for me to be 'all better' so he can 'give me a really good hug soon'. I want the same thing. I want to pick them all up and give them huge hugs. For now though, we just do lots of snuggling and 'soft' hugs. I'm cashing in hugs for kisses. It's good stuff.

Best Appt So Far!!!

We heard the best news ever today - chemo is NOT in my future! We beat the odds. We were told that I had a 90% chance of chemo treatment and after full evaluation of the pathology report, Dr. Anderson concluded that chemo treatments would not help me in any way. So, I'm DONE. Of course I still have to recover from the surgery but otherwise, I'm done! I'm done!! I'm a survivor - an official survivor. Cancer is gone from my body!!!!!!

There is the smallest of small chances that this could turn around, but no one expects it to be the case. Pathologists are looking at the specimen one more time to look for invasive cells but it's not expected they will find anything. My long term plan is to continue to be diligent about screening and to embrace healthy living. I also need to do the BRCA mutation test - which happens Sept. 2 (then takes a few weeks for results). If that should come up positive, I'd need to have one more surgery likely. But lets not think about that for a while.

I also saw my plastic surgeon today. Turns out, I can't pick up Channing for another couple of weeks. So I still need lots of help but according to him things are healing well. So we wait. We wait 3-4 weeks and see him again for a final check. We wait for the genetics test. And we wait for me to just feel better. I tire very easy and I'm very sore still - keeping up on the pain meds for sure. Other than that, I'm free.

Scott and I couldn't be happier. Once again, I feel so lucky. Wow.

Who's training for Race for a Cure? Mid September I think!

What's that smell??

Today's appointment did not offer the information we were hoping for, but I'm happy to report that all drains/tubes/wires/etc are OUT of my body! Scott and I saw Dr. Johnson today and were thrilled to hear I got to get my drains out. She started by unwrapping all the gauze etc and said things look good. For the record, I still haven't 'looked down' much. I just can't handle it quite yet. She then started untaping the wires and just kept pulling. Those wires were about 12 inches inside my skin. GROSS. And that is when the tears started. It hurt a little and I just couldn't deal. Of note, I was due pain meds and didn't bring them because I didn't expect the appt to take so long. We waited a full hour before we even saw the doctor. Oh well. At that point, I asked to lay down. Another doctor came in to do the drains. The right side was so incredibly painful. It was clogged and attached in multiple places so pulling it out was torture. I cried through the whole thing. Then all the blood and ooze started (sorry... kind of gross I guess). Anyways, once that one was under control we did the left side. Thankfully, that side was quite easy and we were done. Both Scott and I were so close to passing out (for real) we had to sit and wait a bit before standing up.

Regarding the pathology, we learned there were still several unanswered questions. We don't know the extent of the microinvasive cells. We did learn however that there was cancer all over the left side. During surgery however, Dr. Johnson got great margins so it's all out. We also didn't learn about the hormone receptors (remember - if I'm triple negative it means chemo). So we wait. Dr. Johnson put in a call to the pathologists to learn more. And I'll get those results from my oncologist. I now officially have an oncologist - Dr. Anderson. I see him tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully at that appointment we'll learn what the plan is. Dr. Johnson mentioned I may need 'a little' chemo. Hmm. What is 'a little'??? No idea. Cross fingers for tomorrow that we get some real answers.

I'm also seeing the plastic surgeon tomorrow to make sure things are looking ok from a cosmetic point of view. So a busy day ahead.

And did I mention - it has been SEVEN DAYS since I last showered. And trust me, I smell like it. But tomorrow.. yes TOMORROW morning I will shower. Yes I will people! The stentch looming over Lake Oswego since the Sunday will soon disappear. Yee-Hah!!!!

This one is for you!

Today is the 3rd day that has required full time help around the house and it's impossible to give enough thanks to both "the ladies of Zivney Lane" (also known as my mom and 'aunt' Jill) and to Carol. These women have put in 12 hour days to ensure my comfort and that of my family. They have done more around here in the last few days than I have over the last year. My floors have never been so clean and my laundry basket has never (in history) been empty for quite so long. They bring me meals in bed, they wash my hair, they empty drains (yuck) and they do it all with smiles (even when I'm not being the best patient I can be). So thank you!! You are making this so much easier. I love you Carol, Mom & Jill!

I also have to recognize the food. If you know me at all, you know I don't cook. I don't particularly enjoy cooking and I'm certainly not good at it. Over the last several days we've seen such love poured into the meals that have been delivered. I'm eating more and more myself each and and my caregivers, husband and children are cursing the amount of great food around (all while nibbling on just one more cookie). :) So thank you. The meals are a HUGE help.

Lastly, I'm humbled by the kind words, thoughts, support, flowers, visits, etc that so many of you have given. It's clear that I'm REALLY good at picking friends because you are all the best. Really. Take a bow. You don't know how much it means each time I read a comment, listen to a voicemail, read a card or feel the love you have all given. Please know that I'm super behind in email but I'm appreciative of each of you. You are really keeping my spirits high!

As for me.. I had another good day. I'm feeling stronger by the hour. This morning I was able to feed Channing a bottle and get my hair washed all before a morning visit from a great friend. It was wonderful. At that point, I was a bit worn out so took a short rest.. well, I meant to rest but somehow got sucked into watching an episode of 'Gene Simmons Family Jewels'. Wow I'm a loser. Then, I took another 'bath' (meaning I tried using a washcloth to remove the stink from my body - - not super successful) then off to an appointment with my plastic surgeon. I was so excited to get the bandages off and get one set of tubes out of my chest. The bad news was that I wasn't feeling well - I was again sick to my stomach and needed more pain meds (which I couldn't have for another hour). But, I poured myself into the car with Scott and were on our way. When we had just about arrived, I got a call that Dr. Popowich was still in surgery and wouldn't be back today. ERRRR!!!! I was so mad/frustrated. I broke down crying and tried to ask questions regarding how/if/when I can get my bandages off and how to get these darn wires out of my body. She said I could take off the outer wrap. Since we were already in the parking lot at this point, Scott went in to inquire about how to appeal my insurance company since they had declined my reconstruction surgery. I know, nice, right. It's a federal law that they have to pay but why not just decline for fun. Anyways, Scott also shared his lack of appreciation for more notice about the cancelled appt while I waited and cried in the car. The good news, he learned he could just cut the wires off and we could have Dr. Johnson remove them in the morning (9:45 appt Thurs).

So that was my day. I got home, rested and then relieved our help and spent the evening with just Scott and the kids. It felt like so long since it's just been us and it felt great. I fed Channing another bottle, got her in her jammies and snuggled before Scott put her in bed. Just perfect. Things are getting better!! Oh, I also took off the outer wrap but couldn't take of the mounds of gauze that has me wrapped tight. I'm just to wimpy about medical stuff and I nearly passed out when I saw just a smidge of my incision. Good thing I didn't ever think becoming a doctor would be a good idea. Jeez! So the mystery remains of what things look like under there. I am more comfortable however and Scott snipped off those darn wires. Wheh, releif!!

Tomorrow, I'm hoping to learn about the pathology from the surgery. Lets hope I actually get to see her!!

I'm Back

My darling husband has said he's officially 'out of material' and so the blogging role has landed back in my hands. It was nice while it lasted! And for the record, I did finally watch True Blood. It took me 2 days and about 8 tries before I watched the whole one-hour show. Who knew that tv would take so much out of you. Jeez.

Well, I'm day 4 post surgery and I really thought I'd be doing better at this point. I'm frustrated that I'm pretty much useless and stuck in bed all the time. Without the generous support from friends and family I'm not sure where we'd be. So thank you. I can't express enough how much everything means. The food, the babysitting, the help with medical stuff, the washing of my hair, etc. It means SO much.

I'm still wrapped up super tight in bandages which will come off at an appointment tomorrow afternoon. The doctor will also remove the tubes/wires that are bringing pain meds right to my chest. The drains (one on each side) will remain for a while longer. But getting the pain meds off will help.

I did get my hair washed a few days ago and I'm super anxious to do that again tomorrow. I can't officially shower until the drains are out but washing my hair and just washing up in the sink helps. I still feel icky.

I guess I don't have a ton to say. This is much harder than I expected. I'm in pain more and the vomiting was a bit of a surprise (not the good kind either!). I do recognize that each day I'm feeling better and better. Today for example I could watch tv without it making me sick. It's the little things.. :)

I'll write more tomorrow - time for more paid meds!

Home

Becky came home today at about noon. She was probably doing a lot better yesterday than today. She is still occasionally nauseous and the pain is pretty hard to suppress. She has zero energy most of the time. When she does give you some moments of lucidness they are followed by long rests. She has a temperature and headache presumably caused by the trauma and the narcotics respectively.

The boys did not see her in the hospital so Sunday is the first time their mom since they went to bed Thursday night. They were very cognisant of her pain and while very excited to see her didn't really need much instruction about how to stay away from her. They are being very responsible little caregivers. I hope it lasts.

Keaton is very interested in every detail of her condition. His mom certainly came home with lots of interesting stuff attached to her that he of course needed to ask about 32 different ways like a 4 year old does. Beyond the bandages she has multiple visible tubes that I thought would scare them but they just think it's interesting. Two tubes are for a constant drip of drugs into the chest the other tubes are to keep the swelling down.

We just happened to have some overlap with the grandparents right at the time Becky came home which happened to be very lucky. We needed a lot of hands to get Becky set up and handle three kids in various states of excitement, hunger and exhaustion. I tried hard to convince Becky that we needed these pillows with arms that my grandma had so she could be more comfortable like the hospital bed. There wont be another time that I can buy those and not feel like a completely lazy bum.

For the record unconscious Becky means no reality shows or vampire shows. The wonders of pharmaceuticals never cease to amaze.

12 hours after check in

I always find it funny people that otherwise wouldn't use social media show pictures of the view from their Hawaiian hotel room to make everybody at home jealous. This is the view Becky has booked herself for the weekend. You don't want to know what you have to give up to get a reservation though.

She has pretty much been out of it since she was brought out of post op step down. She is in a lot of pain and on a lot of drugs. She typically doesn't do well with pain medication and today is no different she is very nauseous so they are on the third drug for that (all intravenous for those of you who know how happy she is to prescribe the other kind to everybody but herself). This one looks to have worked or put her in a coma it's still unclear at this point.

As for what we know from the surgery. All of the sentinel nodes were negative which is a big plus. We still need to know more about the tissue pathology which probably wont be for a couple of days. (Lisa K. fill in tissue joke here). Prior to surgery the chances of chemo were 90%. We are hoping that the tissue isn't too bad and she avoids chemo but that might be a pipe dream. There is more to it than that and with Becky out like a light the person I usually ask is available. On the bright side if she's out like this for a couple more days I won't have to watch True Blood.

Becky is out of surgery and in her room. She's completely conked out. I'll update again once she can talk a little more.

Surgery Day

Becky has been in surgery for about an 90 minutes now. I know that if the roles were reversed she would have posted many pithy updates by now. We have had several different estimates of the amount of time she'll be in there. As of now it sounds like she should be done by about 1:00. It sounds like we should have a murky picture of what's next at that point and then know more in a few days. We were previously told we would know with 90% certainty after surgery of what the future held.
It has been quite remarkable how Becky has been sent from one well respected specialist to the next. I firmly believe that her close relationship to her primary doctor lead to her being sent to the best radiologist and the best surgeon around. We didn't know at the time but everybody speaks glowingly about both of them and talks about how they are the best you could have. People constantly whisper that she has the absolute best doctors. We have been hearing that from people for a couple weeks now (and of course Becky's research). When she first went in her doctor who delivered all of our kids said you are going to this radiologist and then once he diagnosed her for sure the radiologist and her doctor said you are going to this surgeon. There are only so many hours in the day. We know that not everybody can get in to see the best most respected specialists. We are very lucky that Becky carefully selected her OB/GYN years ago and found somebody that recognises colleagues that know what they are doing and cared enough about Becky to make sure she got in to see them. There was actually some difficulty getting in to the first specialist and her doctor wouldn't have it. We all know that if I was sick I would have trouble getting a referral to a good diesel mechanic. Kevorkian maybe; the surgeon that cured Vera Katz (like Becky's) I doubt it.

The Breakdown

Tomorrow is the big day and I'm happy to get past it. We'll be waking up at 4am for the fun day. Today was not so fun (well, parts of it anyways).

First off, we've already had several amazing deliveries - flowers, food, HUGE cupcakes, etc. I'm blessed. I'm surrounded by amazing people. Feeling great.

My first appointment was with a genetisist at Good Sam. He looked at my family history and put together a set of 'odds' regarding my chances for a genetic mutation (BRCA 1 or BRCA 2 or a couple other ones which I don't remember the name). It's incredible really. Interesting fact of the day is that 9 out of 10 people who get breast cancer just have 'bad luck'. Only 10% is based on heredity. There are a million other cool things that I learned during "Genetics 101". Next step - getting a distant cousin's BRCA report to Good Sam and then make an appt for the blood test. Whitney was kind enough to make laps around the office to keep Channing happy. In fact, she kept Channing more than happy - the little girl was giggling like crazy. I think Channing found her first best friend. ;) Thanks Whitney!!

My second appointment was not fun at all. It was for the sentinel node injection. The injection itself was fine but it was 'side effect' that put me into my first official breakdown. I'll back up a bit here to share that the one thing that can get me to cry is to talk about the fact I won't get to pick up my kids for the next few weeks. It's esp hard to think of not holding Channing. She falls asleep on my chest daily and I won't get that for a while. So after being called back for my appointment I was told that I would be 'radioactive' and therefore couldn't pick up or hold my kids tonight. I thought I had tonight!! I feel a bit robbed. This was my last night (at least I thought) for snuggle time. And it was taken. Ugh. I was angry, sad, frustrated, etc. So I broke down. Thankfully Stephenie was with me and she helped to get Channing all loaded up in the car. I then called Dr. Messner (I just love saying that!!) to get more information. Kari Messenger is a radiologist, specializing in breast related illness (I hope I'm explaining that right) and also a life long friend. She explained the rules for tonight. I could hug the kids goodnight, but best not to bring them into my chest. Bedtime was tough but I managed to help get Channing to bed and of course read books for the boys. It worked out ok. I still feel robbed though. Damn cancer! DAMN YOU!

Ok, I'm back. Not feeling sorry for myself any more. I found courage and strength by consuming huge amounts of chocolate (thanks Kelley)! And also through the kind words and support offered by all those around me.

Wish me luck tomorrow! I'm encouraging Scott to post some kind of an update here post surgery (probably around noon or 1pm).

Wish me luck!

Paperwork Overload!

At every appointment, I've been handed a stack of papers and it wasn't until this weekend that I actually read through and organized all of it. I've got 3 file folders going so far and I'm convinced I need a color-coded Excel spreadsheeet but I just can't figure it out quite yet (just trying to make my Intel peeps proud!). In any event, in the reading I learned that I actually have Stage 1 cancer (not stage 0 as I thought). I also learned there is a good chance that I have 'triple negative disease'. It's not yet confirmed because the HERS-2 finding was not done with my pathology. I'd never heard of triple negative until I visited Transitions & the Providence Breast Center. The triple negative would just basically confirm that I'll need chemo and also suggests it may be a more agressive type. Lovely. But, I may not have it. Right now, I'm just 'double negative'. They should use better terms when talking about cancer - the word 'negative' just doesn't bring your spirits up. ;)

Speaking of my visit to Transitions, it was quite nice really. The women were kind and I scored a 'post operative garment' which is nothing if not stylish. Ok, I'm a huge liar. It's horrendous. Why can't they fancy up these things? They are meant for women and we demand some sense of style! I told Lisa I might take a picture of it, but I don't want anyone to vomit in their mouth by the ugliness of it all. Essentially, it's a white tanktop that zips in the front. On the inside it has little pockets held in with velcro that will hold the drains. Sounds cute doesn't it!

I also had my pre-op meeting with a surgical nurse. She was very nice and I've continued to be impressed with the level of service from all my doctors and the hospital. The deal is that on Friday, I arrive at 5:30am, the surgery starts at 7:30 and will last about 3 hours. Then, an hour of recovery and I'm free (well, 'free' meaning I'll be in the hospital for 2 nights).

Lastly, enormous thanks to Stephenie who put together a meal delivery plan. I really appreciate it Steph! And for those who didn't receive the email, you can find the details here. It's very hard to accept help but we know we'll need it. Thanks doesn't seem to express how Scott & I feel about the support we've received from friends & family but I'm just not sure what else to say. So THANK YOU. HUGE HUGE THANK YOUS!!

Busy Busy

I've got quite a few additional appointments scheduled as we're just about a week out from the big day. Tomorrow I meet with a surgical nurse for a pre-op appointment. Then next week I've got genetic counseling and the nuclear medicine injection (now ordered for both sides instead of just the cancer side). I have two of my dearest friends joining me for the two latter meetings to help distract and entertain Channing.

I also have several fun appointments with friends! One great 'side effect' from this wild ride is that I'm getting some great time with friends. It's so easy to let life fly by without making time to see friends but it's become a real priority for me and for others it seems. Fantastic!

Today I'm making a trip to "Transitions" which is a boutique within St. Vs which offers books, clothing, wigs, etc. for those with breast cancer. I'm planning to get a tanktop/camisole which apparently has little pockets to hold drains. I'll be coming home from surgery with multiple drains on each side - they remain in place for about a week I hear. So you have to find a way to keep them close as to avoid pulling on them (eeeu!). It also closes in the front somehow so you don't have to pull it over your head to put on. Putting your arms up is not very comfortable post-surgery. This camisole item apparently helps with those things. We shall see! Fun stuff, eh.

Stay tuned for more later.

Birthday News

We got some great news just in time for my birthday - my surgery has been moved to 7:30am (versus 1:30pm). I was really worried about how I was going to not eat until that late in the day (and by 'eat' I mean consuming at least one diet coke). Now I don't even have to worry about it! I'm super happy - let the diet coke flow!

I was also told I have to have a 'procedure' done on the 12th related to the sentinal node biopsy that happens during surgery. I will need to have an injection of some kind of nuclear medicine that they then look at to see which nodes are more 'lit up'. Fun times. I hear the injection can be pretty painful but they use litacane (sp?) to help.

Scott thinks this is the worst birthday ever but I think it's just one of the more memorable ones. This is a great example of our differing personalities. A shock to no one I bet. This birthday also signifies a new level of oldness. For my type of cancer coupled with my age (35 and younger) the double mastectomy is the standard recommended treatment. So, if I caught this a year later they would give me an option of just doing one side. I guess they assume that after age 35 you're so old it doesn't really matter anymore? Hmm. And yes, I didn't really have a choice for the bi-lateral (double) as it was strongly recommended by my doctor (a few of you have asked, so just putting it out there).

Happy August! Why on earth is it so darn cold!?!? And for the record, I'm being spoiled beyond belief! Breakfast out with Scott and the kids, a spa appt then dinner out with amazing friends. Perfection!