Happy 1-Year Cancerversary to Me!

I've been thinking a lot about this day over the past few weeks. My first cancerversary... For those not in the inner cancer circle, today is the day many survivors celebrate: the day of diagnosis. It's funny, it's only been a year and I feel like it was ages ago.

One year ago today Scott and I were sititng in Dr. Eklund's office in Lake Oswego. He had been waiting for pathology all day and it was now 2:30 and we were still waiting. Finally he came in and Scott said he knew right away it was bad news. I didn't know. I'm the optimist in the relationship you know. So Dr. Eklund came in and sat on the side table next to me. I thought it was weird, a 70ish man sitting on a table. And then he said it - 'malignant'. I'm not even sure I blinked. I'd say I felt numb but I'm not even sure that was my reaction. I just felt like 'fine, now what do we do'. I didn't cry. Dr. Eklund stepped out of the room to make calls to set me up with an appointment with a breast surgeon. Scott and I sat quietly - I know we talked a little. In all honestly, we probably started to try to make each other laugh. I texted (yes, I know it's awful).. I texted my parents with the words 'malignant'.

Eventually Eklund came back in and told me I should see Dr. Nathalie Johnson. He said she was the best. Soon after we walked out of that building and I can't remember exactly how it worked out but we made it over to PF Changs for happy hour. I had a margarita. Scott and I talked but really we had no idea what was in front of us. Turns out, I did have great doctors who moved quickly and moved me through the process to rid me of cancer.

In reflecting about the last year, the number one, stand out feeling is that of embracement. I was embraced in such an incredible way by family and friends. It was like a huge crowd of arms immediately circled around me, Scott and kids. I'm so thankful for that. Funny story, a couple of months ago Keaton asked if I remembered when I was 'sick - when my chest hurt'. I said yes. He asked if I would feel that way again. I told him I hope not. He got kind of a depressed look on his face and I of course asked why. He said it was fun because he got so many toys and presents. I love that he felt that way - he was embraced. The memories from this awful experience for him were good ones. I honestly couldn't wish for anything else in the world. Thank you to Scott, my parents, Carol & Ron, Jill & Paul, to everyone who brought food, flowers, gifts, cards, to those that visited, called and prayed, and to my amazing company Intel. It was YOU that created the great memories for my children in such a miserable time. Thank YOU for embracing them and protecting them from pain. Amazing.

In terms of health, all things remain the same - I'm cancer-free (or so I hope!). :) Essentially I'm directed to live life as I did before my diagnosis. If something seems strange, I see a doctor. I should be a bit more aggressive about lingering coughs, bone pain, etc. but otherwise I just go on with life and remain diligent should any unusual symptoms show up. I will say, I'd prefer to have some kind of regular scans of some kind but my doctors say it's unnecessary. I feel vulnerable and uneasy sometimes. I read about cancer often because I'm an information hoarder and I'll be honest, stories of recurrence terrify me. But, I've heard these feelings subside over time. I'm sure that is true. I'm excited to see my OB Dr. Stewart in another couple of weeks. I haven't seen her since she referred me to Dr. Eklund. We've talked some and she provided incredible support following my diagnosis. We'll see what she says about future scans. I imagine she'd be willing to refer me if I asked.

So how does one celebrate a cancerversary? I guess I'm not really sure what is customary. I do have a girls night tonight with some of my favorite people. I imagine I'll celebrate via a margarita then I'll head home and love on my family.

So that's that. Happy One Year Cancerversary to Me! Wishing you all happiness & health. Take your Vitamin D and do your monthly self exams.

Hugs!